Today, it would be two weeks since I bade goodbye to my third decade of existence in this world, and welcomed what I deem as my take on the Mid-life Crisis which is very applicable to me.
Why did I think of that? It’s because, after personal introspection:
1) I still haven’t accomplished anything major that really defined me especially for the entirety of my employed life — I’m just a bad-arsed bloke, so to say
2) My career is still on a rut (see current Facebook, Plurk & Twitter status as well as below update)
3) I am still technically single, of which my most recent relationship ended in a way which is never desired by someone in his/her right frame of mind — death of the significant other
4) I am approaching burn-out stage — er, already burnt-out.
Needless to say, instead of me celebrating it (ideally), I have sworn that I do away with celebrating birthdays publicly (except with family I guess, I still owe them a day-out or night-out) until I deem that I have done anything to arrest what I’ve been feeling lately…
Well, it may be odd for most, thinking that at this age it should have been the pinnacle of success, but for me, I am still nada. Nil. Zilch. Wala. Just like any insignificant speck in this world of make-believe, especially where perception is reality and where being matiryoso is the name of the game despite the crisis.
This said — I deem myself to have reached the mid-life crisis. This article best suits me and my situation.
To make matters worse in the shortest term, I have decided to end The Experiment, which I entered after leaving Company D at the beginning of the year. I just felt that because of some factors — especially performance — that drove me to do the thing (this has something to do with the stats), as well as the matter of trusting certain people when it comes to work (overtime I have learned to NEVER put my trust with people at work except only with MYSELF and my capabilities), I have to stop being a “mad scientist” and take a break. One of the past demons has haunted me as well, if I were to say it in devil’s advocate mode.
For formality’s sake, I am to go back to the portals of The Experiment Hub in the area which used to be a military reservation most likely later to hand over the missive with which they can’t do anything about it, but that text message sent by the echelon just this evening seems to be like something alarmist in nature. But I won’t be cowed with this, and I am standing firm with it.
Who cares about the crisis and the subsequent lack of opportunities here, there are still some of them though. For me, it’d be a matter of tiyaga — to quote that old Filipino saying, kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. To quote that U2 song, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for as of date, but I hope this gets reversed in weeks.